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As a homosexual male in my late 40s, my life has involved many, mostly enjoyable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I was in a committed partnership that lasted four years, but it never fully satisfied me, because I felt neither loved nor intimately fulfilled. The fact is that I have always craved casual sex. Every time I begin seeing any man, when the initial excitement dwindles, I always get the urge to have sex with new partners once more.

Reflecting on the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment

I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to maintain a monogamous relationship. I understand that many homosexual males engage in non-monogamous arrangements, but when I’ve witnessed them, they appear demanding, frequently causing significant pain and jealousy for everyone involved. In many ways, I desire another man to care for me while allowing me to remain sexually free, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to keep having casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship is not possible? I feel a bit lost.

Each individual's intimate path varies. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your ability to handle various forms of sexual unions in a finite way. What you need in your current state may well change down the road; eventually you may find yourself more decisive and find some clarity and a suitable route … or perhaps not. One day you might meet someone offering a transformative opportunity to you by reflecting what you want in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that non-committal encounters are best for you. Fretting over what lies ahead and playing endless speculation is merely anxiety-based and squandering of your efforts. Try to be in the moment with your partners, and see the value of every individual you connect with intimately an intimate bond. When and if the time is right to strengthen genuine closeness with one partner, it will be clear.

• The psychotherapist is a American therapy professional who specialises in treating sexual disorders.